Saturday, March 8, 2014

I'm Back!

I decided to start blogging again!

It won't be a dedicated travel blog anymore, since I'm poor and can't travel, but I can't change the name either--if it was just "I'm A Tramp" people on the internet might get the wrong idea.

This is probably not going to be a like an online journal either--I don't have an interesting enough life to just write about the now. Rather, I shall spend a great deal of time speaking of past adventures, real and completely fabricated. The false part keeps things lively and adventurous. And sometimes I will write about the now, because I can do whatever I want all of the time. Deal with it.

Monday, August 22, 2011

What is more American than baseball? Peanut butter is. Fact.

In a fit of patriotism I volunteered to be in charge of the USA display for the Internationaler Abend.  I made peanut butter cookies.  Here is some relevant information about peanuts:
George Washington Carver, considered the father of the peanut, began his research into peanuts in 1903 at Tuskeegee Institute in Alabama. The talented botanist recognized the value of peanuts as a cash crop and proposed that peanuts be planted as a rotation crop in farmers' fields. This procedure was especially valuable in the Southeastern cotton growing areas when boll weevils threatened cotton crops. Farmers across the region listened to the great scientist and peanut production flourished. Additional research into the peanut helped Carver to discover over 300 uses for the peanut including shaving cream, leather dye, coffee, ink, and shoe polish to name a few.
The average American child eats 1,500 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before graduating from high school.

I hope you feel enlightened.

(Did I tell you that I already have my grades from my summer classes?  I have already finished my very last BYU class!  I just need to finish up my Tuebingen stuff, but my grades won't change based on that.  It feels GREEEEAAATT!!)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Imagine yourself as part of my adventure...

Sunday morning.  My last Sabbath in Germany forever.  It's been a taxing week, so I'm really eager to take the sacrament.  I wake up and get ready, then walk outside.  Amelia is also coming out of her building, so we begin to cross the Bruecke to the bus stop together.  Mike runs past us yelling "That's the bus we want!"  We look off into the distance and, indeed, there is a bus.  However, there is no chance of us catching it, so we remain at a stately pace.  We are surprised when we reach the bottom of the stairs and it is still there.  Realizing that we have a chance which hitherto seemed too fantastical to be true we take off running.  We get about 10 yards and it pulls away, leaving us busless.  Lamesauce.  We read the electronic signs and determine that the next bus doesn't come for 32 minutes and takes 23 minutes to get from WHO Ahornweg (our stop) to Hauptbahnhof.  Our connection bus leaves in 28 minutes, making everything not fit together in a way that gets us to church within the next hour.  I did NOT wake up to not go to church.  I WILL go and I WILL take the sacrament.  My resolve is firm.  I decide that what takes a bus 23 minutes can be done on foot by two girls in Sunday dress in about 25 minutes.  We take off at a sprint.  There are no sidewalks along the path that we are familiar with, so we run with traffic down a 4-lane highway.  We even make a protected left turn with outstretched arms, like airplanes, when the signal comes.  We get passed often, but only honked at once.  I sprain my left foot somewhere around Wilhelmstrasse and Amelia's shoes are especially unsuited for such activity.  Best part?  We make it!  We are at Hauptbahnhof about 3 minutes before the 19 bus comes.  We nearly asphyxiate, pass out and throw up. (All at the same time.)
We get to church.  I started the day clean, but I am now sweaty, bushy-haired and disgusting.  I am still trying to breathe normally when the bishop comes and greets the few of us sitting in the back of the chapel.  He says something to me which I don't properly hear because of the boisterous greetings taking place around me.  It seems socially acceptable to smile back and nod as if I understand.  "Sehr gut."  He asks me my name, writes it on a paper in his hand which appears to be the program and leaves.  I am exceedingly confused and nervous at this point.  The bishop just wrote my name in the program and I don't know why.  I am frightened.  I turn to those by me and question them about what just happened. "The bishop just asked you to speak in Sacrament Meeting and you agreed."  Oh, no.  oh. no.  I DON'T SPEAK GERMAN!!!!  I only have a few minutes to pull myself together.  I manage to do it, and I speak in a foreign sacrament meeting.  It was awesome!  Good thing I was on time to church....

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

My Brain Already Checked Out and Flew Home


  • 10 days more, from exactly 20 minutes ago, my plane will touch ground in SLC.  It's just the body following, though.  My brain is already immersing itself in mountains and rednecks.  I'm so excited! (Flights? Check.  Window seats for both legs? Check.  It's gonna be a beautiful day.)
  • We all took a gondola-type boat ride down the Neckar.  It was joyful indeed.
  • I purchased all the chocolate today that I will be bringing home.  And then it got smashed in my bag.  But I can't afford to replace it, so it will have to do.  I don't know whether it's any good because I got the off-brands.  Hold the thumbs! (That was a depressing chocolate tale.  Don't worry, it will probably be delicious.  Even bad German chocolate is superior to pretty good American chocolate.)
  • I got the family letter, family.  Thanks!  (If anyone else sent a letter, please tell me you put my real full name.  They have no way of delivering the letter otherwise.  If not, do tell and I'll try to hunt it down.)
  • My group project is doomed to failure.  Mostly because none of us care.  Next week I'm going to stand up in front of a ton of people, embarrass myself horribly and then flee the country ne'er to return.  I feel satisfied with this plan of action.  It makes it so I don't have to stress about my lack of preparation for speaking in a foreign language for 15-30 minutes in front of native speakers.
  • So, according to the email I just received from the USU admissions office, they don't award scholarships to continuing students.  What the?!!!  He told me I should wait a year and enter in Fall 2012.  And what should I do in the intermission?  Work as a grease monkey in the oil field?  Shovel coal?  Be homeless?  Learn to carve designs in leather?  Open a bakery?  Okay, this is starting to sound like a plan....
  • I found 5 euros on the ground tonight.  Add that to the 20 in Berlin and I've found over $30 (USD) just lying around during this trip.  Not bad, eh?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

A Dozen Days Noch


  • Dear Gingers (Julia mostly,) the other day I got sunburnt.  Indoors.  Really.  I got a burn on my nose and arms while reading in my room.  I rejoiced, and then I realized how ridiculous it was.  It would seem that I also don't have a soul. :)
  • I made my last money withdrawal a few days ago.  It's do or die now!
  • I finished with my art and architecture class on Thursday!  w00T!!!  I went out with a bang, too, I'm pretty sure.  My notebook project was hideous and snarky.  I pity my teacher for having to read it, but at the same time I hope he does and I hope he laughs at all the great things contained therein.  I also hope he returns them because I kind of want to keep mine forever now.  It's like a kidney stone- the harder it is to pass the more precious it is to you.  Just kidding.  That's gross.
  • I will probably only have to do one more load of laundry here, which is a VERY good thing.
  • If you want to have a point of reference of when I'll be getting home, go to the store and buy a carton of milk.  Open it, drink one draught from the jug and then cap it and put it in your fridge.  Don't disturb it.  When it goes bad I will already be back.  Yay!
  • On Friday we attended a wine tasting that the University had arranged for us as part of our Bodensee excursion.  Guess what?  Wine tasting is super super boring if you don't drink alcohol.  She talked for at least 15 minutes about each wine (there were 4), but none of it meant anything to us who were just sipping grape juice and waiting for dinner.  Thank heavens the beer brewery trip tomorrow isn't something I have to attend.
  • I GOT TO MEET UP WITH VERONIKA IN HEIDELBERG!!!  YIPPPEEEEE!!! Dang I miss that girl.
  • I'm starting to get really worried about speaking in church on the 28th.  Topic ideas?  I can't latch onto anything in my brain.
  • I saw someone Nordic Rollerblading in Heidelberg in the street with cars in heavy traffic, and she was keeping up just fine!! It was insane!  I have to try it when I get home!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Concentrate? That's for juice!

Confession:  I'm supposed to be frantically finishing my project before my big test tomorrow.  This blog post is my way of sticking it to my future-self.  This will really show that future-self who's boss. 
  • Forget smoking in the kitchen- the toilet paper thief in my hall needs to die!  And when they do they will probably be sent to a special circle of Hell reserved for such filth.  I now guard my tp like it was a golden monkey filled with diamonds and Niel Diamond concert tickets.
  • I haven't seen my home in more than 50 days.  Dear Mom, never let me get so far from home again.  Starvation is pushing the limits.
  • I don't think Drain-O is as powerful here.  Drat this whole Bio/Green movement in Germany- I just want my shower to drain!
  • I think I may end up sleeping in the airport on the 25th.  I figure that it's preferable to having to stay in a hostel alone again.  I am reluctant to repeat that life experience.  Airports are clean and nice and have delicious snacks and no people who shun clothing in public.
  • Dear Carolyn, I am going to need you.  Desperately.  I have let myself go and will need your special aesthetician skills to set me arright before I venture off.  Heck, I'm going to need all the girls in the family in order to tackle this problem.  Prepare the power sander!  Also, do you have a straightener I could borrow until I can replace mine?
  • I thought that I was going to manage to miss all my final tests and presentations here in Tuebingen because we're all leaving before the final day or two, but they moved the dates up to accomodate us.  Now I have two German tests and a rather large and involved presentation on top of the stuff for Art and Architecture.  Dobby's Sock!
  • Speaking of which, I still haven't seen the last Harry Potter yet.  The magic and mystery lives on for me!  Bwahahhaha!

Monday, August 8, 2011

8.8.2011


  • I'm fairly certain that one of my roommates smokes in the kitchen.  If I ever catch him in the act I'm going to Sparta kick him off the balcony, but rather than shouting, "This is Sparta!" I'm going to shout, "I have asthma!"  It will be epic. I'll write again from prison if my plan sees fruition. 
  • I'm down to living off of gruel now, having run out of milk, quark, eggs, cheese, fruit, vegetables, meat, yogurt, cereal and bread.  I just don't want to spend any more money on something as mundane as groceries.  I'm going to need a multivitamin IV pumping some iron and B12 goodness into me as soon as I get back.
  • Operation "Kick a Pigeon" is a go.  I am going to buy bread this weekend in Heidelberg and lure in some fine feathery friends.  Then I will plant my toe directly in their backside with wicked briskness.  Pictures to follow if it's a success.  If it fails no mention will ever be made again.
  • Linking those two previous points- if I should accidentally kick a pigeon in such a way that it gives up the ghost, I will have to eat it for nutritional reasons.
  • Today in class we did nothing but Umgangsprache.  That's the German word for slang or "street speak."  What little chance my language skills still had died.  I will never speak properly again, if I ever did to begin with.  I'm going street from now on.  Sorry, Anke.
  • I have to admit that at the moment I'm a little more excited about everything that's going down back in the home territory than what's happening here in Germany.  My Provo contract just sold and I now have housing in Logan! I wanted to celebrate, but I think I'll do my Art History project with great somberness instead.
  • I hate Macs.  Hate.  Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate.  I miss my computer.  I love my computer, broken though it may be.
  • I can't concentrate on what I need to be doing with this page open, so I'm going to post this and close it.  Tschuess out, Leuts.